(originally posted on June 4th, 2008)
Hello folks. The title of this post suggests that I have given up on
Costco to lose my my baby weight. I still maintain that you can burn
lots and lots of calories from shopping at Costco. Unfortunately, Costco
turned out to be, as the saying goes, "too MUCH of a good thing." The
good thing referring mainly to giant pies, and huge flats of muffins,
and 30 pound bags of cookies. I now am on the "Costco Flush Diet". So,
its back to the gym for me.
This post title had
"secret" in the heading, because, as we all know, gyms are not private.
Whatever you do is on display for all the world to see. This being said,
I have discovered the phenomenon that when you are working out publicly at the gym, and wear an Ipod,
suddenly your hot, sweaty, activated body has gone incognito. Without
headphones on, you are self conscious. You are aware of bodily
functions, weird movements or sounds, and everyone around you. But when
that music fills your ears, and blasts you to your otherworldly workout
zone, you are invisible.Here is a famous question.
If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
This can be compared to,
If you do something embarrassing with headphones on so you cant hear it, does it still make a sound?
Yes.
Duh,
right? Here is a list of things that people do with headphones on. They
cannot hear themselves, so in their reasoning, neither can anyone else.
Sing loudly, and very, very off key.
Not
to mention the fact that most people do not know all the words to the
songs they are listening to. So, if you happen to be next to one of
these American Idol contestants, you will hear this.
hmmmmm...ddaaadaaa...LOVE
IS WONDERFUL.....hmmmm...dadadada....OH YEAH ITS
TRUE.....dadadummm....PEACHES....dadadummmdee......DANCE ALL NIGHT
WHEN......dummmmdeedummdadadum....GOIN
ON....dumdum....CAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!
Farting.
I'm sorry to say this, but people fart when they work out. And when they are listening to music, they don't restrain themselves like they would anywhere else, because they cant hear themselves blatting loudly, so obviously no one else can either, right?
Dance.
Head bobbing, karaoke accompanying, arms flinging, bootie shaking moves!!!!
Panting
When gym goers
work out, they get out of breath, that is a given. With no headphones
on, it is slightly more difficult to restrain your breathing, but you do
it anyway. This is what you hear next to someone with headphones on.
HUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH, UUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH, HEEEEEEEEEGGGGGHHHH, AAAAAAAGGGGGHHH, HUUUUUUUGH, EEEEEEEEGGGGHHHH, HOOOOOOOGH, AAAAAAAAAAAH, HAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
I
actually prefer this form of breathing. It makes me feel that as long
as the person next to me is bleeding from their lungs and is about to
die, I myself can probably bump up my StairMaster to level 2.
And now for me. It is my turn for the confessional. I was recently given an Ipod for my birthday, so I too, became "Invisible" at the gym. I turned the critical eye on myself while hoofing it up and down the cardio machines, and realized what I do that I mistakenly thought no one could hear me doing.
I whinnie. Like a Horse.
When
I am getting into it, and its getting harder and harder to keep going, I
noticed that I push air out through my lips. For some reason this
helps, but last night, I heard it after taking my headphones off for a
few minutes.
PPPPPBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWBBB!!! Of course that's unreadable. But imagine the sputtery sound a horse makes in movies, and on TV and such.
That's me.
Imagine
working out next to me, minding your own business, when out of the
silence, a horse whinnies!!! Again! And Again! Loudly!!!!
So, I
have started working out every night, whinnying, dancing, singing, and
loud panting. I am not knocking those who work out. I admire the healthy
body seekers. But there is humor in everything, and if I can't find the
humor in the lung searing, muscle torturing, nose assaulting (fat
melting) atmosphere that is the gym, I will die. Oh, I mean trying to
find the humor, not exercising. (I hope!!!)
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